People Watching

Alone in a booth

A trumpet plays behind a tropical set of drums

Tortilla chips overflowing onto the table

A creamy green salsa tickles my tongue

A red cloth lays across my thigh

I feel like a matador

A Spanish women belts out a rhythm I can’t translate

The Ball game on at the bar leaves half a screen from my vantage point.

I can tell when a pitch is low at least

I admire the footwear

It’s odd watching batters from the waist down.

What else changes when we only see half of the truth

The 20 something girl with perfect complexion

Eating with what must be her grey haired father

She has a head of black silk the extends to her waist

Like the mane of a stallion with conchos on

The pair in front of me talking endlessly about some sort of boat repairs

Skin like dried apricots

Dock 7

Barge this

Mast repair that

Everyone has their own world

We meet at these places but we are all interrupting something

The seniors coming in at 1:47pm have me puzzled

Is this dinner?

How late was breakfast?

I hope I can handle spicy food in my 80’s

I guess I can handle anything from the grave

80 ha

A lot of people would lose money on that bet.

All the vehicles passing my window

Headed somewhere

Going nowhere at all

That was a strike!

What’s this ump looking at?

The top half?

Slather the top half of my quesadilla with an overpriced avocado

Worth every penny

The young lady has a great laugh

She looks soft for this world

I hope dads teaching her the truth about it all

Three feet from the woman is a painting

A Mexican woman leans against a rock in a traditional dress her black pigtails and pale face resemble this young lady to a T

What are the odds

She is a spitting image

The labor crews aren’t here it’s too far past lunch break

There’s a pair of guys here and there

Most in Astros Jerseys

I guess they want to see the whole game

Now I can’t get over this painting

It’s like this woman posed for it

Maybe she was the artist

Maybe she knows the owner

It’s too coincidental

I have to say something

Hi I don’t mean to intrude

My name is AJ Garcia

I’m a local artist and poet

I’ve been writing about this experience at lunch

And when I swept across the room

I couldn’t believe the uncanny resemblance you have to this painting

She leans over looks at the work and says oh the long hair

Not just the hair

Everything

The complexion

The hair the face the makeup

That laugh comes again

She smiles and says how funny

At least now she knows

A violin plays from everywhere

This restaurant is a wonderful place to experience life

How funny

That line always blows my

Mind

If it’s funny then LAUGH

She did both

I can accept that

The high branches of the Oaks sway outside

The vehicles continue like ants along a path

Still mostly white and grey

I’m part of it today

Running around in a company truck made for a giant

For someone who likes wallowing in the mud

If not for a step bar you would see a sideshow circus act as I attempt to climb aboard

There is something about a diesel engine and that sound though

I don’t have to worry about anyone on the road

They all worry about me

Feels nice to be the big guy instead of the fast one

Little flutters from a flute make it seem like the birds are singing in Mexico

Like the man playing for the dark haired maiden

I haven’t stopped smiling since I arrived

On my way back from the restroom

Which seemed like a color tile factory

The hostess and a server were looking at a a photo and laughing

“ I want to see”

She said sure come look it’s a side eyes meme

I’ve seen that look many times from a puppy that pretends not to understand English

They both laugh

No one says that’s funny

I smile and continue my journey

That server isn’t using her gifts

She is a vision of beauty

It seems so outlandish to people to believe that beauty is one of the free gifts

Be exactly what you are but less attractive and you will see what I’m talking about

I’m no ten by todays standards

But sit next to me and I’m off the charts

I was full two quesadilla slices ago

That sounds right it’s a Mexican pizza with a lid

I keep eating for values sake

Avocado and beef fajita

At these prices…

It was a ranchers scraps

Today is 30 bucks a pound

No wonder the Mexicans are singing

A Mexican grito always gets me going

I raise the Bull fighters muleta to wipe my mouth

Now it wipes the table

The waitress comes over and I explain my work

She can’t believe how accurate the art is

I know it’s like she sat for it

26.41

I have cash

31 keep it

I need to take a photo of the art to paint the picture later

Life of an Aphant

I need to head to the car rider line and smoke shop too

Guarantee its 200 ft away and not an inch more

Buys day doing nothing

I get paid to let my mind work

Art

Math

Poetry

Philosophy

I have yet to be paid though

But

If not this then it would have to be a sex worker

Online toe nail pictures dipping into banana pudding

Someone somewhere paying for that right now I promise

The archway blocking this game is making it more exciting

We should cut half off of a lot of things

Easy

Not that thing

I can’t afford to loose half

The backup camera in the truck says

“Never depend solely on the camera”

Shit - never depend solely on anything

Fly through the lot out into the ant line

Swing this bus into the puff palace

I’m addicted to a few things at a time but always nicotine

Today it’s like wearing a swastika in public

The judgment from every sorry piece of shit in the world is abhorrent

Today I’ve moved to the fruity vape that delivers the juice

Peach jam

White peach raspberry

Peach is a delicacy I love and when asked to pick a flavor

It’s that or

Mango

Don’t like it? Don’t buy it.

And stop reading my work

This is for the crowd not the judge and jury

Keep your opinions where you flush

I’ll put mine on paper so you have something to wipe with

What a gorgeous day

Back in the prison pick up line

Waiting on offspring

Nine months and now 30 minutes a day

PTA family bingo April 11th

That’s one I won’t miss while away

Maybe I’m almost bingo age

Wonder what the seniors know

Probably some secret you learn over 65

Like Santa or the tooth fairy

Maybe they will tell me where babies come from

Maybe they know where we are all gonna end up

Well maybe some of us

I can’t save you a seat up there

I wouldn’t anyway

You gotta earn it

There’s a bunch of folks I wouldn’t open the gates for

That would be heaven

If all the evil greedy devils couldn’t come in

See me dancing with Jesus

The streets of gold make

Me nervous though

Apparently they care about value or the streets wouldn’t need to be paved with gold

Beats the alternative either way

You need less

I’m not too much

I’m just too much for you

I shimmer like gold

I’m that rare

You can’t take your eyes off me

You wish you could hold me

Stop the vein from forking

Like a raccoon who can’t let go

You’ll bite your own arm off first

It doesn’t bother me

I’ve seen it happen all my life

Everyone wants to get close to the sun

Then they miss the heat

They make excuses for my absence

There isn’t one

I can’t give you an explanation either

If you’re where I am then you’ll be with me

I don’t let anyone get burned beyond recognition

You might leave a different you

But I didn’t destroy you

I can slow dance away

Bottle up the relationship

We had different names for it anyway

What you are to me

I’ve never been to you

Appreciate the time we had

So one of us does

It’s not that I don’t cherish moments

I just know there’s more coming

If you have a nickname from me

I won’t forget you

I won’t recognize you anymore

But I won’t forget the you that was with me

Friendships

Relationships

Partnerships

All meant to sail away

Break the champagne and light the fireworks

Celebrate the voyages ahead

Bon voyage with love

Those who don’t belong

No Labels

Special in a world where we are all individuals

1% of this 3% of that

Different like everyone else

A Stranger in this world

Never comfortable around humans

I do not belong

Empathy lost

Mind flayed for the masses

Aphantasia

Gifted

Talented

Genius

See things in concept

Solve riddles with ease

Always the one you’re nervous about

Last to get an invitation

First one to arrive

Lights up the room

Fills halls with laughter

Never says No

Will jump when challenged

Will leave when asked

I Do not belong

Blank stares at Death

Blank stares at Life

Nothing moves me

Nothing shakes the branches

Deaf to the rattle of the cage

Sensory deprived savant

Chosen

I Do NOT belong

I have been sent here to save an undeserving world from itself

My cross to bear

The burden heavy

The resentment great

The people oblivious

The friends fake

Relationships and chemical connections severed by my own tongue

Too smart to be enslaved

By the delicacy’s of this planet

Too brave not to experience them all

Too rebellious to be loved

Too kind to withdraw

I Do Not Belong

I am

I work while others sleep

I don’t explore the protagonists mind enough

I keep it locked away

I have direct access to my own thoughts and feelings

Attempting to convey them on paper

I move through daily scenes

I explore the interiority of it all

Whats my objective

What am I working toward and why

What are my emotional responses

Numbness

I explain the decisions I make

But do I know why Ive made them

Why do we make any decision

What are the drivers

If character is driven by voice

What drives voice

What drives me

What do I really care about

Telling the truth about this world

Without any lenses or filters

I dont consider what my readers want to feel

I want to convey

A fly on the wall with a sense of humor

Omniscient narration from a disappointed God

Am I the Narrator or The main character

A third person point of view

Of a third persons point of view

I don’t make edits

I don’t unload some backstory into a lengthy passage

I go about this world and interact within it

I express the details as I see them

When I interact

When I observe the details

When I observe an intriguing interaction

I dont save it for the future

I write it now when it happens how it happens and what I think about the happenings

I dont trim the fat

I never miss the climax

I always explore what could be

My story doesnt need a plot

The world is the plot

The lines are the time passed

Nothing ever gets lost

It may find new life in another scene

Action

Narrative

Dialogue

I provide context

I explain Dynamics

I dont lean or neglect

I am a Poet

Kurdaitcha

Hidden in a secret place

The kurdaitcha lay silent

Wrapped in a scrap of Kangaroo leather

They have a destiny with a victim unknown

A webbed netting of human hair

Soft down Emu feathers woven like deaths hand basket

The stick of

Blood binds them

Human blood

The night falls

The moon fails

A shaman unwraps a perpetrator’s gift

The shoes are worn now

Never to be seen by another

No woman no child

The last soul they see will surely have died

These feathers leave no tracks

But the trail is not cold

As you lie down taking your last breaths

Some evil has been sent and so under your breath

The whispered name means guilt

You have sentenced your judge to death

The magic man may watch for signs

Burrows from the grave

A creature points the way

As feather meets dust

So to will the evil

Some have died out of fear when the kurdaitcha arrive

They know what’s been said and you can no longer hide

Deaths at your door you know it by its shoes

Carefully woven and crafted just for you

They have made one single trip to end up where you are

No one escapes no matter how far

Justice now served

Death for a death

The kurdaitcha remain until there is no one left

Thinking about me

Are you thinking about me

Not thinking about you

Miles of locked doors

Each room holds another future

A full length garment of a certain color

Draped across the checkered board

The king makes another move

The pawn is sacrificed

A not so distant concept

flower petals surround the altar

Each a fond memory

You try your best to keep up

Beneath the floor lies a maze in an ancient necropolis

This isn’t your basilica

This torture chamber

your addiction

A martyr for an illusion

Pockets filled with river rocks

Drowning you in the past

Each stone a remnant of a crumbling visage

A fiber in the thread of your tapestry

A woven fairytale

The smell of burnt

At the center of the web

Emptiness singed the rabbit hole in your future

Where happiness could have lived

Cracking bolts fill that darkness now

It extends through no territory

It has no edge

Search and seizures

The perfect cover

For your alleged shadows authority

Obedience to the cause

Sipping the poison

Hoping to gain immunity

It speaks for itself

It speaks for you

Two sides of the same coin

Love and hate

The entity didn’t vanish

It just buried itself inside you

Writhing around your mind

Savoring the delicacy of your soul

It answers to no outside authority

Thats where the problem lies

It will never resign

The secret archive

Filed away for now

Written in stone

Under “Tragedy”

Behind your fondness to remember

Until you think about me

not thinking about you

A Four Letter Word

Your devotion to boring

Is absurd

The great collapse has already occurred

An alarm sounds

You wake before your mind is ready

Your proud of your routine

Shit

Shower

Shave

Breakfast

Meds

Don’t forget anything

You’re prepared

For what exactly?

Make the same drive

To the same place

Sell your soul

Oh and let it be taxed

Perform your job

Maybe even with vigor

Achieve!

What exactly?

More comforts

More excess

More consumption

Get your likes

Your hearts

Build some connection with others digitally

Your Friends?

You’ve created a happy meaningless boring life

And you love it

You were taught to

New car

Roof over your head

Family fed

Lights out back in the bed

Wash

Rinse

Repeat

SUCKER

In Memoriam

Nothing sparkles at 44

Where did all the damn lightning bugs go

What happened to the stars on the water

The twinkles in eyes

All dried up

Barren deserts

empty skies

They’ve taken the diamonds

They’ve stolen the gold

Replaced your freedom

With a back breaking job

How much has to be missed

How much has to disappear

Each generation misses the last great year

Dont let them take everything else

You can make this world what you want it to be

You can assemble and gather to remain free

You can learn what they teach

But you have to think for yourself

Stop accepting grades to prove you’ve learned the thoughts

Of someone else

We throw around words as if they mean the same as they did

Sovereignty

Dying with every exhale

Its worth risking ____________

Insert anything

Its the only thing worth it all

Your time marches on

But do you have a choice

Think about your turn

Make your play before the buzzer sounds

Random cant be stopped

So just live with it

Enjoy it

If the path is clear

Its not yours

Embrace the surprises

The tactician’s model needs you to conform

To deal its damage

Find the removal

Turn the key

Its in your pocket

Its always been there

Are you really living your destiny

Have you taken your life into your hands

Waking up isn’t enough

Its everything

Expect to shriek

Be thankful that you can

What separates us from animals

Are the lies of man

Evil comes in many forms

The thunder woke me from a dead sleep

IT was closer than any Ive ever heard before

Another

Another

Like aliens awakening a seed buried long ago

MONDAY

after my sons first Hog hunt we deposited two heads into the freezer

A Freezer that had not been on in over a year

Stabbed into the wall this morning

A white empty chest with a glowing light

Ive iced the meat in a cooler in the back of my truck

Drain and ice drain and ice

Until the water isn’t pink anymore

Drain and ice

This fresh pork has ridden with me for three days now

Maybe the first pigs to make it to an Astros Game

Or see Baybrook mall

Check the heads - Check the freezer

Ive found a taxidermist who will boil them and turn them into European mounts

Wonder why a skull mount is called a European

Something to do with Vlad the impaler maybe?

She is a friend - but her text said something eerie at the end

“I don’t work on spoiled heads”

Cant work on me then I thought…

TUESDAY

Ill check the heads

My breath was stolen

The compressor never turned on

These animal heads were now putrid and liquifying

Stuffed in the white chest high coffin

Cooking in the garage under the summertime heat

There isn’t a word for the smell that emanated from that garage

The smell that wafted into the kitchen

The smell that caused every candle in our home to burn

Now the dilemma

What the hell do I do now

These pigs are my sons first large mammals

His journey from man cub starts here

But nothing will make me go into that cooler again

And for what anyway?

Crack a cutting tooth off

Split the bags wear a mask and save some teeth?

The taxidermist jinxed me

“No spoiled heads”

Whats beyond spoiled

decomposing?

I search and scour the web

YouTube and AI

Bio waste

1-800-got-junk

Come and take the whole freezer

I claim the power went out and there is spoiled meat inside

“No problem sir”

We will come give you a quote.

I live my life as though something isn’t rotting away in the garage

I check the front door every time a car drives by wondering when the cops will come and accuse me of removing a soul from this planet

I pray none of my enemies meet with a tragic accident

Not now at least

I can imagine the scene as the cops pull up…

Right out of a crime documentary

“When I got out of the car, the smell was so intense my eyes watered. I knew he had done it”

Open and shut case the gumshoes would say

This guys always been a loose cannon

Sir we can remove the freezer and the bio waste 150 for each service

300 bucks to remove a freezer - Have a nice day guys

“SO WHAT are you going to do? My wife says

For someone who keeps saying it’s not my problem you sure have a lot of interest in it.

“You’re just gonna let it sit there?”

“My mom says most trash companies will pick up appliances if you call them”

“Ameriwaste this is Jennifer”

Hello, I had a freezer compressor go out on me and our meat is spoiled do you come and pick that up or have a service or recommendation for me.

“Whats you address”

“Please hold sir”

No hold music

I guess no one uses the phone to call people anymore anyway

Meh would I rather sit in silence then hear some boring tune about sunny days -

Ok sir on your normal trash day place the meat in your normal trash receptacle

“Ohhhh…….K”… is she serious

On the 16th you can call back to get on our list for heavy appliance pick up

“OK thanks”

300 bucks or throw it in the trash can Thursday morning…

Holy hell I have to move this sack of bile and sinew into my trash can

Ok

Google don’t let me down

Ahh !!

Vinegar

Respirator

Baking soda

Gloves

AMAZON Order

Arrives tomorrow (what a world we live in)

WEDNESDAY

Pretend the problem doesn’t exist - at least while I shower

Do a little shopping

Take the crew to an Astros game

Astros over white Sox ! What a game!

White cooler in the back of the truck hauling my reminder of what exists at home

Ice and drain

Drain and ice

Garage still reeks

Cops still haven’t come

3M respirator arrives

Gallon of vinegar sitting on the island

Smell dissipates

THURSDAY

Before the sun rises

Thunder Lightning

CRASHING

Reminding me of the task at hand

I knew what Today meant

Ive seen things no man should see

Smelled things that shouldn’t exist

Ive been at the crux of evil and fate

I adjust the mask and affix the organic odor cartridges

I put on my gloves

I prepare a 50/50 solution of Vinegar and water in a spray bottle

I get a pitcher of water and grab the vinegar jug

I make my way to the garage

My children somberly stare at me  like I’m walking to my death

Like this is the last time they will ever see me

It was partly true the man that walked into that garage never came back

The me that did - wasn’t the same.

You cant be prepared for something like this

When I opened the door

I was met with no smell

The respirator was worth every cent

I opened the garage door to a downpour and a black sky

Thunder lightning

Closer than its ever been

As if the Gods knew I was stepping into a world of darkness

The corner of the freezer I had yet to open was covered with maggots

I had not considered that things would work so quickly

Tiny ashen creatures writhing around

Revolting and grotesque

I grab another trash bag

Lift the coffin lid

The truth was worse than my imagination would allow

There was nowhere to run

Horror in its purest form

Maggots clinging to every edge of the interior

The black bag now blending with a thick sludge coating the bottom of the freezer

An abyss of evil that seemed to be an endlessly deep pool of terror

A black ichor that was once blood

I reach into the hole and pull up the bag

A thin layer of plastic that I count on to stay intact

A tear reveals the source of my agony

The escape of blood that has caused this new life to thrive in its waste

Maggots fall to the ground

On to the plastic and metal chairs perched beside the freezer

The rain pours and the Thunder sounds like the world could split under my feet at any moment

I manage to sit one bag inside another and tie it off

I let it lie in wait at my feet

I pour vinegar into the maggots home

A smoke appears as if I have just purified an evil

It rises up into the air

The vinegar like holy water destroying the putridity that surrounds it

Ive never bear witness to an exorcism but this couldn’t be far from it

The maggots squirm

Something about thousands of tiny worms moving in different directions gives you a feeling of wickedness writhing

Dying to feed on the flesh of the dead

A power in death that goes unseen

All at once the rain stopped

This world knows when evil is caged

When it is pent up

When it is alive

It knows too when it has been subdued

Cleansing the world of death and decay

I guess that’s what the maggots exist for

Here I am stopping the natural order of things

All the while I thought I was doing gods work

Maybe I was impeding it.

An inevitable cycle that I’ve interrupted

I pour more vinegar and water and close the lid

I spray the 50/50 mix everywhere

On the maggots cloaked in shadows

On the bag at my feet

The background has become empty and its only me

Far from help

Spraying in every direction

Vinegar lingering in the air

No smells penetrate

A black slurry is on my hands on the bags on the sprayer

Im a stranger to this distant monster called revoltion

A cruel punishment

And a realization that I was never safe

My nightmares thirst has been quenched

I place the double bagged parasitic buffet into the trash can and roll it to the curb

The neighbors wife pulls in across the street staring at me

Im shirtless and wearing a gas mask in the pouring rain

My gloves are covered in blood and black bile

I look back and wave

She thinks I’ve killed someone

The truth is Im the one who has just died

I take things the maggots have touched and placed them outside to be purified by the last of the rain

Everything reeks of dread

I spray and spray

I spray myself

Arms legs gloves

I leave the horde of endless maggots to die in vinegar

Leave the freezer closed

Thats a problem for another day

maybe the 16th

I wait hoping Jen knows what she is talking about

Will they pick this up at the curb

Does it become someone else’s problem for 46 bucks a month

The rain is gone

The can at the curb sits

Hiding a dark secret

The garage door remains open and the smell covers the street

Maybe I’ll consider cremation now…

Et Tu Brute

Let me down like a pallbearer

Those closest to you hurt the most

Because you contemplate forgiveness

Sangre de mi sangre

Who else but those that know you intimately

The gas station attendant cant let me down

Only those I trust to depend on

Whats the out?

Dont expect greatness from the people you hold dear?

Then I wouldn’t hold you dear

I wouldn’t keep you near

I would rather be let down

I would rather enjoy the peaks knowing the valleys

The devil you know grandpa used to say

The best money I’ve ever spent

loaning it to those who stopped coming around

Cheap way to figure who will abandon you

Companionship and friendship

Nice to haves

Rarely worth it

So you pay the price for solitude

Or you pay the price of betrayal and disappointment

Both are expensive

I go back and forth

Thousands of acquaintances

Only a few know my name

Fewer still know my colors

A mask for every occasion

A dance for every song

It’s the expectation that you have to let go of

Until you feel the dagger in the back

I knew it

I just didnt know it would be you

Et tu Brute

Yea Brutus and the rest

Everyone you’ve helped

Everyone you’ve saved

All those you’ve loved

And the ones you’ve raised

It strikes fast

It burns slow

You know its coming

But it doesnt soften the blow

Might as well be hung by your friends

Right Jake?

I sleep well every night

Knowing I’ve trusted to much

I do my part to keep my circle tight

A select few I can trust

Until I cant anymore

Then the hunt continues

Search for birds of a feather

Look out for cheats and fools

Find a flock

Sniff out the wolves

Do what you can to protect the rest

Call out the boys who never learned virtues

Defend the herd

Fall on the sword

Ill take the blows

Ive felt them before

The first cut may be the deepest

But the rest hurt too

Ive stood up for less

So ill never fall for you

Its in the eyes

When you look away

Its jealousy its love

Its those who betray

Im guilty myself but in a round about way

Ive hurt other people

But my name they cant say

Lovers lost and bridges burned

I wouldn’t waste the cigarette

Impossible to lose things you don’t expect to keep

Treasure can be found behind every smile

Hearts are the easiest to take from the weak

Make sure you don’t walk alone on that last mile

Where did all the Time go?

The rhythm of life

Drinking from a fire hose

Or dying of thirst

Where has all the time gone

Memories of adventures taken fill my thoughts

As I lie in my bed at 2pm on a Wednesday

Both seem to bring me equal pleasure

Ive done what I wanted when I wanted

Im doing it now

It just happiness to be Nothing

I could never just have two drinks

I always pushed every limit

Never told what to do

Never controlled

Don’t care about money

Just the freedom it brings

I like bringing everyone I love to do the things that make me smile

To experience these things with me

But

Im not hunting anymore

Simply Satisfied to gather these days

I don’t feel old or tired

But I know I am

Regret doesn’t get to live in me

Ive never reconsidered anything Ive done

Good or bad

Learn from it and move on

I always live Now

Never let yesterday or tomorrow sway me

But I remember everything that’s happened

That always shapes my next move

I treat people 10x the way they treated me

Good or bad

I don’t choose how I treat you

You do

I live in

If - Then

I dont think about how much Time I’m wasting away

Then I consider how much time I burned up doing everything

Its not wasted if its the way I want to spend it

At least I was never all hat no cattle

Ive always talked a big game

But you better check the scorecard ol son

I am what I say I am

I do what I say Ill Do

Ive had the glitz the glamour

The Lights the Ladies

Ive had all my money on a table

Ive lost it all more than once

I still live the way I like in the World Ive created

Where has all the Time Gone

Ive never been on a business trip

Ive traveled a lot for work but every trip is for me

every moment is about a goal I set for myself

Even in business

I am achieving something

Ive heard crowds scream for me

Ive had an airplane join me in song

Ive stopped everyone near me from saying a word

Ive had the room in tears

Ive made people laugh so hard they pee a little

Ive pulled off insane bar tricks

Ive thrown a dart to kiss a girl and hit a bullseye with both

Ive had crazy nights and Ive been front row too many times to count

Ive sat in the nosebleeds too

But those seats were a gift

Ive driven the fastest cars with a Rolex on

And a Queen in the passenger seat

Ive gone 164 down the devils backbone

Ive had great Dogs

A few lazy ones I loved even more

Ive never come up short

For 5’8 Im a Giant

Ive never lost when my back was against the wall

Ive done enough to take my time and rest now

But I still don’t know

Where all the time has gone though

Ive shot my guns in the air

Ive fought men bigger than me

Ive killed an animal with my knife and hands

Ive sired three girls and boy

Ive hit every shot a time or two

Ive played hopscotch for money

Ive caught the biggest fish

Ive touched the top of every list I wanted to be on

And a few I didn’t

Ive had sex in public a few times

Ive bought coke in foreign places

Ive had more orgasms than I could ever count

Rarely self produced

Ive bought and sold more in this world than any car lot

I know the valleys

I look down on them from the peaks

I’ve crossed one or two

Ive been broken

But never a bone

Ive been on fire

Ive put out a few too

Ive covered a lot of ground

Ive played from the Tips

Ive hit from the rough

Ive sunk puts from the fringes

Its still not enough

I still don’t know where all the time has gone

I remember thinking so highly of older folks as a child

They didn’t all deserve my respect that’s for sure

as a grown man

when I see children

I don’t feel that far away

There isn’t a huge gap between us

My son and I are 38 years apart but feel like best friends

And he understands everything I’m talking about

Age doesn’t make you anything other than an older you

I know a lot of old idiots

And young savants

‘I thought things would be better

And they were

I believed I could do anything

And I did

I never took my time

I never chased

I walk into the room like God sent me

Because he did

I live in my room

I live in my Bed

I eat here

Write here

Sleep here

I get up for the kids

But I’ve relaxed my life

I’ve slowed the process

I rest and rest and still wonder

Where has all the time gone?

Sunrise

I am the Light

I am the sun

I am the beginning

I am the dawn

I bring hope

I bring peace

I bring a fresh start

I bring the day

As I rise

So shall you

As I set

So shall you

When i am at meridian

You know hunger

Your sweat is the lifeblood of this world

I give without taking

I burn for you

I charge your core

I am the growth

I am the tide

I am the time

I am the Angle

I am the heartbeat

I am the rhythm

My colors are heat

My radiance is vision

My core is beating

My rays bring happiness

I do not stop shining

While you dream

Others wake

While you revolve

I travel on

I am your Star

Your Sun

The great Bringer of Life

Mark Making

Art :

To move someone

If you’ve never stood before abstraction and felt the purity of a single tear slide down your cheek

You have not lived yet

Not long enough at least

You’ve never been confronted with nothingness that forces you to peer into a mirror only to recount your tragedy

It’s marks on canvas

Sometimes less

The most moving pieces are those that seem empty to me

Rothko Chapel

How Vivid Black can be

How exuberant nothing can feel

You are in the room as the missing piece

The holes left on the walls remind you that you are everything and nothing

Brushstrokes

Pigment

Canvas

Sunlight

Its all there

Just a few marks on Canvas

A Solange

Allowing the blank background to peek through at you

You peek back from the deepest places

Just a few marks on canvas

You see a face

You make out a word

You read the title

You don’t yet comprehend

All at once a wave sweeps over you

You’re looking into yourself

You have been moved

You have witnessed Art

Conflicted

I am the darkness

I am pain

I am hurt

I will destroy you

You only have to let me in

You wont even know when its happened

I am the thief in the night

I am the smile you trust

I am the lurking source of all disruption

The moment you doubt

The instance you fear

The first sign of hesitation

I have protruded

I have slipped under the door

Like a slithering plume

I am in your mind

I occupy your thoughts

I develop into Anger

Hatred

I am confusion

I am anxiety

I am your FEARS

I will linger

You may search for faith

For futile acts in stillness

Meditation

Prayer

Hope

Seeking healers

Energy workers

Friends

Pastors

I will never leave

You may press me down

You may hold me back

But with every attempt at suppression

You only consider me more and more

The act of denying me

Working through me

You only allow me to enter again

I am you

The part you wish didn’t exist

You bring to life with every breath

You will never learn to live with me

In the act of ridding yourself of yourself

You only lose

You spiral

You’re deeper now

The walls close in

Crouching in your closet

Weeping in your shower

Afraid to close your eyes

Weak

As all humans are

I can only exist with you

You can focus on anything else as long as you like

Here I am

Here I stay

Here I Live

I am you

I am your fears

Overcome me you can not

Only in death do we part

You must live knowing i am here

Knowing I am waiting for you to fall

Think of me and you hold yourself down

The perfect host

Some of you want me

Some of you need me

Some of you have given in to me

If you could only treat me the way you treat hope

I would rarely show up

I would be welcomed but couldn’t stay

I would have no room to flourish

Yet Here I Am

Your Fear

Name me

Hold me

Push me

But as long as I occupy your focus

You have lost

Here you are doubting

Filled with sadness

Loneliness

Ahh please Drink Drink Drink

Your door is cracked open after just a few

Invite me in

You seek to forget with alcohol

It only serves me

Fool

Occupying you is boring

You make it to easy

You don’t fight at all anymore

Too afraid to live anyway

Too scared to end your own thoughts

To cowardly to take your own life

Vile beast

Pathetic creature

I am you

I Am your Fear

Prison

The parents are stuck outside the Prison

Most vehicles are white black and grey

No one cares about individuality

The breeze blows the Palm trees that dont belong in this city

Screens on the tennis court fence flap

Whipping as much as they can

Everything here is dying to leave

If it weren’t for the orangish bricks this place would pass as a penitentiary

The kids inside glancing at the clock when the jailers turn their backs

Rolling a pencil back and forth between their fingers

We both have an hour to go…

At least I can write what I want while the clock creeps on

Its 2:15 towards the end of April

84 degrees out here

Somehow I bet it’s warmer inside

The top off my Silver Corvette is down

Its not grey

Its loud at least

There’s really no place to type in here

But I didnt buy it to type in

I cant just sit here

The grass is long the weeds are still

How are the tiny cream colored flowers the weeds?

Its These Palm trees that dont belong here

30 minutes left to the bell

Is it worth it?

If i leave home at 3 I sit in a line to pick up my baby

I might get her by 3:30

The line movers slow

The Parents in front are here to pick up the kids at the back

If I Leave my house at 2:10 Im here by 2:25

Sitting

Waiting

But I have her at 3:20 and we are home by 3:35

Then I have my time back

To do what with?

Anything I want

I guess that’s what I hate about all this

40 years later the school still controls my Time

Someday I’m sure ill be picking up grandchildren at one of these concentration camps

Where free thought isn’t allowed to flourish

Let alone free behavior

Just another old chauffeur

20 Minutes left until the children are pardoned

Sent to House Arrest

Homework…

I used to get in trouble for making a point at school about homework

If homework is schoolwork i need to do at home

Then at school i should have schoolwork

Thats things i need to do when I’m at home that i should do while I’m at school

I had to sit in a desk attached to a chair surrounded by a cubby at lunch

Small price to pay

I have Schoolwork to do anyway..

Gates jet up around this brutalist eyesore

What a tragedy

The outside doesn’t have to mask the atrocities within

It could be a place where creativity doesn’t go to die

We are both still stuck here

20 Minutes and the governor calls

Then on to another school to grab more of my offspring

While two more ride the Prison bus to the next stop

Big block Numbers on each door

Buzzers sound as the officers let you into the waiting room

Then you need ID and approval to enter the facility

Open 6

Send Vera to the office

She has a visitor

Open Harrisons Door

Lights change

That damn buzzer again

Click

See you tomorrow

Cell blocks by grade

Little inmates lined up in rows

Stickers on the carpet remind them where to stand for inspection

One hand behind your back the other holds a finger against pursed lips

Cameras everywhere

The Tennis team enters the scene

Maybe i have it all wrong

The boys seem to be playing around and laughing

Not a guard in sight

Making the best of it i guess

Workin out in the yard

There’s the whistle

Coach made it out

Hungover from the weekend

What were his dreams growing up

To tame those of others

He isn’t alone

Maybe its his prison too

Maybe he wishes he could dangle from that lanyard

Maybe we are all stuck in prisons

Whatever they look like wherever they are

10 Minutes

My car shut off

Who the hell is the operator here

15 min until shutdown

Why? Oh yea the environment

Turn the engine off if you’re not moving

The CarPlay still on playing some masterpiece about cats by Bukowski

More black cars more white cars

It really is hard to ignore

One lonely maroon mini van 5 cars ahead

Im close enough to hear the Boys tennis team

Bro

Bro

videos

Bro

YESS

Bro

Start the Getaway Car

Wave at the Sheriff

She’s out on good behavior

Schools out

Prison reopens tomorrow 8:15 Sharp

Legs

Im never alone

But I always feel like Im by my self

Its not the people Im with

They’re great most of the time

Its my mind

Everyone enjoys hearing what I’m considering

But no one is able to offer insight

It’s like Im in an endless interview

But I’m also the one asking the questions

My Favorite Quote:

Talent hits targets no one else can hit

Genius hits targets no one else can see

When I explain to my children what it means to be Gifted

I emphasize the “GIFT” we didn’t choose this

We were born into it

It is a GIFT

So you give it back to the world

You use it to make our species and this planet

Better everyday that you’re in it

You must choose GOOD over EVIL

Most people don’t have to choose

Genius does

Ever heard of an “Evil Genius”

We have to actively choose the right thing at every turn

Hundreds of thoughts race and you have to clear the noise

Use probabilities and likelihoods

But make no mistake we are capable

We have the capacity to endeavor into great depths

Likewise we can change the world with these ideas

We can help humanity flourish

Or destroy everything in our path

Leaving an endless sea of devastation

In our wake

The universe cares not which choice is made

So why do I?

Everything’s Almost Done

Everything’s almost done

Its almost finished

Im working on all of it

Its hard to get small accomplishments when the goals are so lofty

Im changing the world

Give me a fucking minute

I also have to keep the lights on

No one pays you to save the world

No one hires “Savior”

The job posting for “save the world”

Isn’t on a website

The resume has to be longer than mine -

The Hero’s Journey

The Fools call

I don’t need the milestones checked off

Im working on the real revolution

To stop the foolishness

I think about the idea of the wheel

How could we not know

Then I think about all the things I’ve discovered

Unbelievable how utterly blind we are

Being fooled isn’t the only way it happens

Being stubborn to the truth is the real pain-point

Hang out with the guy on square tires

He seems to be headed in the right direction

He’s just not moving

Ill save you this time

Even though we don’t deserve it

In My Time

Im out in front

Its my place

I choose it

I love it

Its my Gift

Im always on time

I walk in like God sent me

I only have two speeds

Both are too much for everyone

Someone honest once told me:

“You know you can be a lot”

No… I am a lot

Whats the alternative

Not be enough

LOL

Everything I am I dislike others who are

Artists

Writers

Poets

Philosophers

Prophets

I don’t want to talk about the act of doing these things with anyone else who does it

I don’t want to hear their thoughts on the subjects

Its unnecessary

It shouldn’t help or shape another anyway

Thats counter to the art form

Ill love their work anyway

Or hate it

So what.

I make mine

You make yours

I don’t care what the color is called

My work never misses because there isn’t a target

I know when its done

I saw a post once

It said

“Don’t worry my art doesn’t understand you either”

My work is a threat

Leave it alone

Don’t look at it to understand me

Look at it to understand yourself

Don’t read me to gain insight into my world

I was born to be in the front

Holding the flag

I know because it brings me pleasure

you can keep whats left

The cigarette after sex

The popes never had that one

Bukowski

Soft Spoken

Harsh truths

Everyday awareness

The greatest

Immortal

He never liked anyone

Until the 4th drink

Slippers on fucking his soul

Not afraid to Jump

From LA to San Pedro

Mailman Laureate

A Poet with a Route

No Time to Read

Barely time to Write

Everything’s Disgusting

Down on the streets

The Greatest

Immortal

He never liked anyone

Until the 4th Drink

Ask the Dust

He was always trying to be a writer

He wrote what he knew

He knew everyone

He knew humanity

From the pits

To the Flagrants

Ink you don’t get over

I can get drunk with Buk

She said

Then

He said

7 Come 11

In the old days men would hang dice from the rear view mirror

Thats the spot where Hope and Peace live

Two Dice mid throw slowing time down to a crawl

The winnings stuck in your mind

Not anxious

Not afraid

Hopeful

Cigarettes

bourbon

Perfume

The table is pure

Foam Pyramids glued to the panels

Feels like a dungeon for paychecks

Its us against the house

We are all together in this

My hands are hot tonight

Ive made people money here

I like to come from underneath the table with em

My cousin taught me that move

Its clean and fluid

It raises eyebrows

Thats where I live

In the raised eyebrow category

Women as good as they can look hanging on men

Like a family on TV

You know they are wearing the best they have

I like that

I like everyone acting

Its more pure that way

Otherwise we all pretend to be something else in our regular attire

No… this way everyone’s already exposed

Chatter turns to hoots and hollers

Every eye on these two cubes

Suspended in the air over the field

Dancing in the light

Skating over the pass line

Its the most beautiful symphony

Everyone needs to win

I cant miss another dinner

But I’m glued to the table now

We are one now

She’s my avenue

Give me that 30:1

You can be late if there’s a roll of money in your pocket

and a story…

I like Dice the hardways

I like Boxcars

I like winking at the waitress when I throw

I like the little backscratcher sliding chips my way

I like the dealer side eyeing the pit boss

I like the 3 seconds of relief as they fly

Finally something isn’t up to me

The weight is off my shoulders

Nothing can change the outcome now

Its win or lose for some

For me its just a game

For me its just dice on the mirror

For me I’ve already won