Those who don’t belong
No Labels
Special in a world where we are all individuals
1% of this 3% of that
Different like everyone else
A Stranger in this world
Never comfortable around humans
I do not belong
Empathy lost
Mind flayed for the masses
Aphantasia
Gifted
Talented
Genius
See things in concept
Solve riddles with ease
Always the one you’re nervous about
Last to get an invitation
First one to arrive
Lights up the room
Fills halls with laughter
Never says No
Will jump when challenged
Will leave when asked
I Do not belong
Blank stares at Death
Blank stares at Life
Nothing moves me
Nothing shakes the branches
Deaf to the rattle of the cage
Sensory deprived savant
Chosen
I Do NOT belong
I have been sent here to save an undeserving world from itself
My cross to bear
The burden heavy
The resentment great
The people oblivious
The friends fake
Relationships and chemical connections severed by my own tongue
Too smart to be enslaved
By the delicacy’s of this planet
Too brave not to experience them all
Too rebellious to be loved
Too kind to withdraw
I Do Not Belong
I am
I work while others sleep
I don’t explore the protagonists mind enough
I keep it locked away
I have direct access to my own thoughts and feelings
Attempting to convey them on paper
I move through daily scenes
I explore the interiority of it all
Whats my objective
What am I working toward and why
What are my emotional responses
Numbness
I explain the decisions I make
But do I know why Ive made them
Why do we make any decision
What are the drivers
If character is driven by voice
What drives voice
What drives me
What do I really care about
Telling the truth about this world
Without any lenses or filters
I dont consider what my readers want to feel
I want to convey
A fly on the wall with a sense of humor
Omniscient narration from a disappointed God
Am I the Narrator or The main character
A third person point of view
Of a third persons point of view
I don’t make edits
I don’t unload some backstory into a lengthy passage
I go about this world and interact within it
I express the details as I see them
When I interact
When I observe the details
When I observe an intriguing interaction
I dont save it for the future
I write it now when it happens how it happens and what I think about the happenings
I dont trim the fat
I never miss the climax
I always explore what could be
My story doesnt need a plot
The world is the plot
The lines are the time passed
Nothing ever gets lost
It may find new life in another scene
Action
Narrative
Dialogue
I provide context
I explain Dynamics
I dont lean or neglect
I am a Poet
Kurdaitcha
Hidden in a secret place
The kurdaitcha lay silent
Wrapped in a scrap of Kangaroo leather
They have a destiny with a victim unknown
A webbed netting of human hair
Soft down Emu feathers woven like deaths hand basket
The stick of
Blood binds them
Human blood
The night falls
The moon fails
A shaman unwraps a perpetrator’s gift
The shoes are worn now
Never to be seen by another
No woman no child
The last soul they see will surely have died
These feathers leave no tracks
But the trail is not cold
As you lie down taking your last breaths
Some evil has been sent and so under your breath
The whispered name means guilt
You have sentenced your judge to death
The magic man may watch for signs
Burrows from the grave
A creature points the way
As feather meets dust
So to will the evil
Some have died out of fear when the kurdaitcha arrive
They know what’s been said and you can no longer hide
Deaths at your door you know it by its shoes
Carefully woven and crafted just for you
They have made one single trip to end up where you are
No one escapes no matter how far
Justice now served
Death for a death
The kurdaitcha remain until there is no one left
Thinking about me
Are you thinking about me
Not thinking about you
Miles of locked doors
Each room holds another future
A full length garment of a certain color
Draped across the checkered board
The king makes another move
The pawn is sacrificed
A not so distant concept
flower petals surround the altar
Each a fond memory
You try your best to keep up
Beneath the floor lies a maze in an ancient necropolis
This isn’t your basilica
This torture chamber
your addiction
A martyr for an illusion
Pockets filled with river rocks
Drowning you in the past
Each stone a remnant of a crumbling visage
A fiber in the thread of your tapestry
A woven fairytale
The smell of burnt
At the center of the web
Emptiness singed the rabbit hole in your future
Where happiness could have lived
Cracking bolts fill that darkness now
It extends through no territory
It has no edge
Search and seizures
The perfect cover
For your alleged shadows authority
Obedience to the cause
Sipping the poison
Hoping to gain immunity
It speaks for itself
It speaks for you
Two sides of the same coin
Love and hate
The entity didn’t vanish
It just buried itself inside you
Writhing around your mind
Savoring the delicacy of your soul
It answers to no outside authority
Thats where the problem lies
It will never resign
The secret archive
Filed away for now
Written in stone
Under “Tragedy”
Behind your fondness to remember
Until you think about me
not thinking about you
A Four Letter Word
Your devotion to boring
Is absurd
The great collapse has already occurred
An alarm sounds
You wake before your mind is ready
Your proud of your routine
Shit
Shower
Shave
Breakfast
Meds
Don’t forget anything
You’re prepared
For what exactly?
Make the same drive
To the same place
Sell your soul
Oh and let it be taxed
Perform your job
Maybe even with vigor
Achieve!
What exactly?
More comforts
More excess
More consumption
Get your likes
Your hearts
Build some connection with others digitally
Your Friends?
You’ve created a happy meaningless boring life
And you love it
You were taught to
New car
Roof over your head
Family fed
Lights out back in the bed
Wash
Rinse
Repeat
SUCKER
In Memoriam
Nothing sparkles at 44
Where did all the damn lightning bugs go
What happened to the stars on the water
The twinkles in eyes
All dried up
Barren deserts
empty skies
They’ve taken the diamonds
They’ve stolen the gold
Replaced your freedom
With a back breaking job
How much has to be missed
How much has to disappear
Each generation misses the last great year
Dont let them take everything else
You can make this world what you want it to be
You can assemble and gather to remain free
You can learn what they teach
But you have to think for yourself
Stop accepting grades to prove you’ve learned the thoughts
Of someone else
We throw around words as if they mean the same as they did
Sovereignty
Dying with every exhale
Its worth risking ____________
Insert anything
Its the only thing worth it all
Your time marches on
But do you have a choice
Think about your turn
Make your play before the buzzer sounds
Random cant be stopped
So just live with it
Enjoy it
If the path is clear
Its not yours
Embrace the surprises
The tactician’s model needs you to conform
To deal its damage
Find the removal
Turn the key
Its in your pocket
Its always been there
Are you really living your destiny
Have you taken your life into your hands
Waking up isn’t enough
Its everything
Expect to shriek
Be thankful that you can
What separates us from animals
Are the lies of man
Evil comes in many forms
The thunder woke me from a dead sleep
IT was closer than any Ive ever heard before
Another
Another
Like aliens awakening a seed buried long ago
MONDAY
after my sons first Hog hunt we deposited two heads into the freezer
A Freezer that had not been on in over a year
Stabbed into the wall this morning
A white empty chest with a glowing light
Ive iced the meat in a cooler in the back of my truck
Drain and ice drain and ice
Until the water isn’t pink anymore
Drain and ice
This fresh pork has ridden with me for three days now
Maybe the first pigs to make it to an Astros Game
Or see Baybrook mall
Check the heads - Check the freezer
Ive found a taxidermist who will boil them and turn them into European mounts
Wonder why a skull mount is called a European
Something to do with Vlad the impaler maybe?
She is a friend - but her text said something eerie at the end
“I don’t work on spoiled heads”
Cant work on me then I thought…
TUESDAY
Ill check the heads
My breath was stolen
The compressor never turned on
These animal heads were now putrid and liquifying
Stuffed in the white chest high coffin
Cooking in the garage under the summertime heat
There isn’t a word for the smell that emanated from that garage
The smell that wafted into the kitchen
The smell that caused every candle in our home to burn
Now the dilemma
What the hell do I do now
These pigs are my sons first large mammals
His journey from man cub starts here
But nothing will make me go into that cooler again
And for what anyway?
Crack a cutting tooth off
Split the bags wear a mask and save some teeth?
The taxidermist jinxed me
“No spoiled heads”
Whats beyond spoiled
decomposing?
I search and scour the web
YouTube and AI
Bio waste
1-800-got-junk
Come and take the whole freezer
I claim the power went out and there is spoiled meat inside
“No problem sir”
We will come give you a quote.
I live my life as though something isn’t rotting away in the garage
I check the front door every time a car drives by wondering when the cops will come and accuse me of removing a soul from this planet
I pray none of my enemies meet with a tragic accident
Not now at least
I can imagine the scene as the cops pull up…
Right out of a crime documentary
“When I got out of the car, the smell was so intense my eyes watered. I knew he had done it”
Open and shut case the gumshoes would say
This guys always been a loose cannon
Sir we can remove the freezer and the bio waste 150 for each service
300 bucks to remove a freezer - Have a nice day guys
“SO WHAT are you going to do? My wife says
For someone who keeps saying it’s not my problem you sure have a lot of interest in it.
“You’re just gonna let it sit there?”
“My mom says most trash companies will pick up appliances if you call them”
“Ameriwaste this is Jennifer”
Hello, I had a freezer compressor go out on me and our meat is spoiled do you come and pick that up or have a service or recommendation for me.
“Whats you address”
“Please hold sir”
No hold music
I guess no one uses the phone to call people anymore anyway
Meh would I rather sit in silence then hear some boring tune about sunny days -
Ok sir on your normal trash day place the meat in your normal trash receptacle
“Ohhhh…….K”… is she serious
On the 16th you can call back to get on our list for heavy appliance pick up
“OK thanks”
300 bucks or throw it in the trash can Thursday morning…
Holy hell I have to move this sack of bile and sinew into my trash can
Ok
Google don’t let me down
Ahh !!
Vinegar
Respirator
Baking soda
Gloves
AMAZON Order
Arrives tomorrow (what a world we live in)
WEDNESDAY
Pretend the problem doesn’t exist - at least while I shower
Do a little shopping
Take the crew to an Astros game
Astros over white Sox ! What a game!
White cooler in the back of the truck hauling my reminder of what exists at home
Ice and drain
Drain and ice
Garage still reeks
Cops still haven’t come
3M respirator arrives
Gallon of vinegar sitting on the island
Smell dissipates
THURSDAY
Before the sun rises
Thunder Lightning
CRASHING
Reminding me of the task at hand
I knew what Today meant
Ive seen things no man should see
Smelled things that shouldn’t exist
Ive been at the crux of evil and fate
I adjust the mask and affix the organic odor cartridges
I put on my gloves
I prepare a 50/50 solution of Vinegar and water in a spray bottle
I get a pitcher of water and grab the vinegar jug
I make my way to the garage
My children somberly stare at me like I’m walking to my death
Like this is the last time they will ever see me
It was partly true the man that walked into that garage never came back
The me that did - wasn’t the same.
You cant be prepared for something like this
When I opened the door
I was met with no smell
The respirator was worth every cent
I opened the garage door to a downpour and a black sky
Thunder lightning
Closer than its ever been
As if the Gods knew I was stepping into a world of darkness
The corner of the freezer I had yet to open was covered with maggots
I had not considered that things would work so quickly
Tiny ashen creatures writhing around
Revolting and grotesque
I grab another trash bag
Lift the coffin lid
The truth was worse than my imagination would allow
There was nowhere to run
Horror in its purest form
Maggots clinging to every edge of the interior
The black bag now blending with a thick sludge coating the bottom of the freezer
An abyss of evil that seemed to be an endlessly deep pool of terror
A black ichor that was once blood
I reach into the hole and pull up the bag
A thin layer of plastic that I count on to stay intact
A tear reveals the source of my agony
The escape of blood that has caused this new life to thrive in its waste
Maggots fall to the ground
On to the plastic and metal chairs perched beside the freezer
The rain pours and the Thunder sounds like the world could split under my feet at any moment
I manage to sit one bag inside another and tie it off
I let it lie in wait at my feet
I pour vinegar into the maggots home
A smoke appears as if I have just purified an evil
It rises up into the air
The vinegar like holy water destroying the putridity that surrounds it
Ive never bear witness to an exorcism but this couldn’t be far from it
The maggots squirm
Something about thousands of tiny worms moving in different directions gives you a feeling of wickedness writhing
Dying to feed on the flesh of the dead
A power in death that goes unseen
All at once the rain stopped
This world knows when evil is caged
When it is pent up
When it is alive
It knows too when it has been subdued
Cleansing the world of death and decay
I guess that’s what the maggots exist for
Here I am stopping the natural order of things
All the while I thought I was doing gods work
Maybe I was impeding it.
An inevitable cycle that I’ve interrupted
I pour more vinegar and water and close the lid
I spray the 50/50 mix everywhere
On the maggots cloaked in shadows
On the bag at my feet
The background has become empty and its only me
Far from help
Spraying in every direction
Vinegar lingering in the air
No smells penetrate
A black slurry is on my hands on the bags on the sprayer
Im a stranger to this distant monster called revoltion
A cruel punishment
And a realization that I was never safe
My nightmares thirst has been quenched
I place the double bagged parasitic buffet into the trash can and roll it to the curb
The neighbors wife pulls in across the street staring at me
Im shirtless and wearing a gas mask in the pouring rain
My gloves are covered in blood and black bile
I look back and wave
She thinks I’ve killed someone
The truth is Im the one who has just died
I take things the maggots have touched and placed them outside to be purified by the last of the rain
Everything reeks of dread
I spray and spray
I spray myself
Arms legs gloves
I leave the horde of endless maggots to die in vinegar
Leave the freezer closed
Thats a problem for another day
maybe the 16th
I wait hoping Jen knows what she is talking about
Will they pick this up at the curb
Does it become someone else’s problem for 46 bucks a month
The rain is gone
The can at the curb sits
Hiding a dark secret
The garage door remains open and the smell covers the street
Maybe I’ll consider cremation now…
Et Tu Brute
Let me down like a pallbearer
Those closest to you hurt the most
Because you contemplate forgiveness
Sangre de mi sangre
Who else but those that know you intimately
The gas station attendant cant let me down
Only those I trust to depend on
Whats the out?
Dont expect greatness from the people you hold dear?
Then I wouldn’t hold you dear
I wouldn’t keep you near
I would rather be let down
I would rather enjoy the peaks knowing the valleys
The devil you know grandpa used to say
The best money I’ve ever spent
loaning it to those who stopped coming around
Cheap way to figure who will abandon you
Companionship and friendship
Nice to haves
Rarely worth it
So you pay the price for solitude
Or you pay the price of betrayal and disappointment
Both are expensive
I go back and forth
Thousands of acquaintances
Only a few know my name
Fewer still know my colors
A mask for every occasion
A dance for every song
It’s the expectation that you have to let go of
Until you feel the dagger in the back
I knew it
I just didnt know it would be you
Et tu Brute
Yea Brutus and the rest
Everyone you’ve helped
Everyone you’ve saved
All those you’ve loved
And the ones you’ve raised
It strikes fast
It burns slow
You know its coming
But it doesnt soften the blow
Might as well be hung by your friends
Right Jake?
I sleep well every night
Knowing I’ve trusted to much
I do my part to keep my circle tight
A select few I can trust
Until I cant anymore
Then the hunt continues
Search for birds of a feather
Look out for cheats and fools
Find a flock
Sniff out the wolves
Do what you can to protect the rest
Call out the boys who never learned virtues
Defend the herd
Fall on the sword
Ill take the blows
Ive felt them before
The first cut may be the deepest
But the rest hurt too
Ive stood up for less
So ill never fall for you
Its in the eyes
When you look away
Its jealousy its love
Its those who betray
Im guilty myself but in a round about way
Ive hurt other people
But my name they cant say
Lovers lost and bridges burned
I wouldn’t waste the cigarette
Impossible to lose things you don’t expect to keep
Treasure can be found behind every smile
Hearts are the easiest to take from the weak
Make sure you don’t walk alone on that last mile
Where did all the Time go?
The rhythm of life
Drinking from a fire hose
Or dying of thirst
Where has all the time gone
Memories of adventures taken fill my thoughts
As I lie in my bed at 2pm on a Wednesday
Both seem to bring me equal pleasure
Ive done what I wanted when I wanted
Im doing it now
It just happiness to be Nothing
I could never just have two drinks
I always pushed every limit
Never told what to do
Never controlled
Don’t care about money
Just the freedom it brings
I like bringing everyone I love to do the things that make me smile
To experience these things with me
But
Im not hunting anymore
Simply Satisfied to gather these days
I don’t feel old or tired
But I know I am
Regret doesn’t get to live in me
Ive never reconsidered anything Ive done
Good or bad
Learn from it and move on
I always live Now
Never let yesterday or tomorrow sway me
But I remember everything that’s happened
That always shapes my next move
I treat people 10x the way they treated me
Good or bad
I don’t choose how I treat you
You do
I live in
If - Then
I dont think about how much Time I’m wasting away
Then I consider how much time I burned up doing everything
Its not wasted if its the way I want to spend it
At least I was never all hat no cattle
Ive always talked a big game
But you better check the scorecard ol son
I am what I say I am
I do what I say Ill Do
Ive had the glitz the glamour
The Lights the Ladies
Ive had all my money on a table
Ive lost it all more than once
I still live the way I like in the World Ive created
Where has all the Time Gone
Ive never been on a business trip
Ive traveled a lot for work but every trip is for me
every moment is about a goal I set for myself
Even in business
I am achieving something
Ive heard crowds scream for me
Ive had an airplane join me in song
Ive stopped everyone near me from saying a word
Ive had the room in tears
Ive made people laugh so hard they pee a little
Ive pulled off insane bar tricks
Ive thrown a dart to kiss a girl and hit a bullseye with both
Ive had crazy nights and Ive been front row too many times to count
Ive sat in the nosebleeds too
But those seats were a gift
Ive driven the fastest cars with a Rolex on
And a Queen in the passenger seat
Ive gone 164 down the devils backbone
Ive had great Dogs
A few lazy ones I loved even more
Ive never come up short
For 5’8 Im a Giant
Ive never lost when my back was against the wall
Ive done enough to take my time and rest now
But I still don’t know
Where all the time has gone though
Ive shot my guns in the air
Ive fought men bigger than me
Ive killed an animal with my knife and hands
Ive sired three girls and boy
Ive hit every shot a time or two
Ive played hopscotch for money
Ive caught the biggest fish
Ive touched the top of every list I wanted to be on
And a few I didn’t
Ive had sex in public a few times
Ive bought coke in foreign places
Ive had more orgasms than I could ever count
Rarely self produced
Ive bought and sold more in this world than any car lot
I know the valleys
I look down on them from the peaks
I’ve crossed one or two
Ive been broken
But never a bone
Ive been on fire
Ive put out a few too
Ive covered a lot of ground
Ive played from the Tips
Ive hit from the rough
Ive sunk puts from the fringes
Its still not enough
I still don’t know where all the time has gone
I remember thinking so highly of older folks as a child
They didn’t all deserve my respect that’s for sure
as a grown man
when I see children
I don’t feel that far away
There isn’t a huge gap between us
My son and I are 38 years apart but feel like best friends
And he understands everything I’m talking about
Age doesn’t make you anything other than an older you
I know a lot of old idiots
And young savants
‘I thought things would be better
And they were
I believed I could do anything
And I did
I never took my time
I never chased
I walk into the room like God sent me
Because he did
I live in my room
I live in my Bed
I eat here
Write here
Sleep here
I get up for the kids
But I’ve relaxed my life
I’ve slowed the process
I rest and rest and still wonder
Where has all the time gone?
Sunrise
I am the Light
I am the sun
I am the beginning
I am the dawn
I bring hope
I bring peace
I bring a fresh start
I bring the day
As I rise
So shall you
As I set
So shall you
When i am at meridian
You know hunger
Your sweat is the lifeblood of this world
I give without taking
I burn for you
I charge your core
I am the growth
I am the tide
I am the time
I am the Angle
I am the heartbeat
I am the rhythm
My colors are heat
My radiance is vision
My core is beating
My rays bring happiness
I do not stop shining
While you dream
Others wake
While you revolve
I travel on
I am your Star
Your Sun
The great Bringer of Life
Mark Making
Art :
To move someone
If you’ve never stood before abstraction and felt the purity of a single tear slide down your cheek
You have not lived yet
Not long enough at least
You’ve never been confronted with nothingness that forces you to peer into a mirror only to recount your tragedy
It’s marks on canvas
Sometimes less
The most moving pieces are those that seem empty to me
Rothko Chapel
How Vivid Black can be
How exuberant nothing can feel
You are in the room as the missing piece
The holes left on the walls remind you that you are everything and nothing
Brushstrokes
Pigment
Canvas
Sunlight
Its all there
Just a few marks on Canvas
A Solange
Allowing the blank background to peek through at you
You peek back from the deepest places
Just a few marks on canvas
You see a face
You make out a word
You read the title
You don’t yet comprehend
All at once a wave sweeps over you
You’re looking into yourself
You have been moved
You have witnessed Art
Conflicted
I am the darkness
I am pain
I am hurt
I will destroy you
You only have to let me in
You wont even know when its happened
I am the thief in the night
I am the smile you trust
I am the lurking source of all disruption
The moment you doubt
The instance you fear
The first sign of hesitation
I have protruded
I have slipped under the door
Like a slithering plume
I am in your mind
I occupy your thoughts
I develop into Anger
Hatred
I am confusion
I am anxiety
I am your FEARS
I will linger
You may search for faith
For futile acts in stillness
Meditation
Prayer
Hope
Seeking healers
Energy workers
Friends
Pastors
I will never leave
You may press me down
You may hold me back
But with every attempt at suppression
You only consider me more and more
The act of denying me
Working through me
You only allow me to enter again
I am you
The part you wish didn’t exist
You bring to life with every breath
You will never learn to live with me
In the act of ridding yourself of yourself
You only lose
You spiral
You’re deeper now
The walls close in
Crouching in your closet
Weeping in your shower
Afraid to close your eyes
Weak
As all humans are
I can only exist with you
You can focus on anything else as long as you like
Here I am
Here I stay
Here I Live
I am you
I am your fears
Overcome me you can not
Only in death do we part
You must live knowing i am here
Knowing I am waiting for you to fall
Think of me and you hold yourself down
The perfect host
Some of you want me
Some of you need me
Some of you have given in to me
If you could only treat me the way you treat hope
I would rarely show up
I would be welcomed but couldn’t stay
I would have no room to flourish
Yet Here I Am
Your Fear
Name me
Hold me
Push me
But as long as I occupy your focus
You have lost
Here you are doubting
Filled with sadness
Loneliness
Ahh please Drink Drink Drink
Your door is cracked open after just a few
Invite me in
You seek to forget with alcohol
It only serves me
Fool
Occupying you is boring
You make it to easy
You don’t fight at all anymore
Too afraid to live anyway
Too scared to end your own thoughts
To cowardly to take your own life
Vile beast
Pathetic creature
I am you
I Am your Fear
Prison
The parents are stuck outside the Prison
Most vehicles are white black and grey
No one cares about individuality
The breeze blows the Palm trees that dont belong in this city
Screens on the tennis court fence flap
Whipping as much as they can
Everything here is dying to leave
If it weren’t for the orangish bricks this place would pass as a penitentiary
The kids inside glancing at the clock when the jailers turn their backs
Rolling a pencil back and forth between their fingers
We both have an hour to go…
At least I can write what I want while the clock creeps on
Its 2:15 towards the end of April
84 degrees out here
Somehow I bet it’s warmer inside
The top off my Silver Corvette is down
Its not grey
Its loud at least
There’s really no place to type in here
But I didnt buy it to type in
I cant just sit here
The grass is long the weeds are still
How are the tiny cream colored flowers the weeds?
Its These Palm trees that dont belong here
30 minutes left to the bell
Is it worth it?
If i leave home at 3 I sit in a line to pick up my baby
I might get her by 3:30
The line movers slow
The Parents in front are here to pick up the kids at the back
If I Leave my house at 2:10 Im here by 2:25
Sitting
Waiting
But I have her at 3:20 and we are home by 3:35
Then I have my time back
To do what with?
Anything I want
I guess that’s what I hate about all this
40 years later the school still controls my Time
Someday I’m sure ill be picking up grandchildren at one of these concentration camps
Where free thought isn’t allowed to flourish
Let alone free behavior
Just another old chauffeur
20 Minutes left until the children are pardoned
Sent to House Arrest
Homework…
I used to get in trouble for making a point at school about homework
If homework is schoolwork i need to do at home
Then at school i should have schoolwork
Thats things i need to do when I’m at home that i should do while I’m at school
I had to sit in a desk attached to a chair surrounded by a cubby at lunch
Small price to pay
I have Schoolwork to do anyway..
Gates jet up around this brutalist eyesore
What a tragedy
The outside doesn’t have to mask the atrocities within
It could be a place where creativity doesn’t go to die
We are both still stuck here
20 Minutes and the governor calls
Then on to another school to grab more of my offspring
While two more ride the Prison bus to the next stop
Big block Numbers on each door
Buzzers sound as the officers let you into the waiting room
Then you need ID and approval to enter the facility
Open 6
Send Vera to the office
She has a visitor
Open Harrisons Door
Lights change
That damn buzzer again
Click
See you tomorrow
Cell blocks by grade
Little inmates lined up in rows
Stickers on the carpet remind them where to stand for inspection
One hand behind your back the other holds a finger against pursed lips
Cameras everywhere
The Tennis team enters the scene
Maybe i have it all wrong
The boys seem to be playing around and laughing
Not a guard in sight
Making the best of it i guess
Workin out in the yard
There’s the whistle
Coach made it out
Hungover from the weekend
What were his dreams growing up
To tame those of others
He isn’t alone
Maybe its his prison too
Maybe he wishes he could dangle from that lanyard
Maybe we are all stuck in prisons
Whatever they look like wherever they are
10 Minutes
My car shut off
Who the hell is the operator here
15 min until shutdown
Why? Oh yea the environment
Turn the engine off if you’re not moving
The CarPlay still on playing some masterpiece about cats by Bukowski
More black cars more white cars
It really is hard to ignore
One lonely maroon mini van 5 cars ahead
Im close enough to hear the Boys tennis team
Bro
Bro
videos
Bro
YESS
Bro
Start the Getaway Car
Wave at the Sheriff
She’s out on good behavior
Schools out
Prison reopens tomorrow 8:15 Sharp
Legs
Im never alone
But I always feel like Im by my self
Its not the people Im with
They’re great most of the time
Its my mind
Everyone enjoys hearing what I’m considering
But no one is able to offer insight
It’s like Im in an endless interview
But I’m also the one asking the questions
My Favorite Quote:
Talent hits targets no one else can hit
Genius hits targets no one else can see
When I explain to my children what it means to be Gifted
I emphasize the “GIFT” we didn’t choose this
We were born into it
It is a GIFT
So you give it back to the world
You use it to make our species and this planet
Better everyday that you’re in it
You must choose GOOD over EVIL
Most people don’t have to choose
Genius does
Ever heard of an “Evil Genius”
We have to actively choose the right thing at every turn
Hundreds of thoughts race and you have to clear the noise
Use probabilities and likelihoods
But make no mistake we are capable
We have the capacity to endeavor into great depths
Likewise we can change the world with these ideas
We can help humanity flourish
Or destroy everything in our path
Leaving an endless sea of devastation
In our wake
The universe cares not which choice is made
So why do I?
Everything’s Almost Done
Everything’s almost done
Its almost finished
Im working on all of it
Its hard to get small accomplishments when the goals are so lofty
Im changing the world
Give me a fucking minute
I also have to keep the lights on
No one pays you to save the world
No one hires “Savior”
The job posting for “save the world”
Isn’t on a website
The resume has to be longer than mine -
The Hero’s Journey
The Fools call
I don’t need the milestones checked off
Im working on the real revolution
To stop the foolishness
I think about the idea of the wheel
How could we not know
Then I think about all the things I’ve discovered
Unbelievable how utterly blind we are
Being fooled isn’t the only way it happens
Being stubborn to the truth is the real pain-point
Hang out with the guy on square tires
He seems to be headed in the right direction
He’s just not moving
Ill save you this time
Even though we don’t deserve it
In My Time
Im out in front
Its my place
I choose it
I love it
Its my Gift
Im always on time
I walk in like God sent me
I only have two speeds
Both are too much for everyone
Someone honest once told me:
“You know you can be a lot”
No… I am a lot
Whats the alternative
Not be enough
LOL
Everything I am I dislike others who are
Artists
Writers
Poets
Philosophers
Prophets
I don’t want to talk about the act of doing these things with anyone else who does it
I don’t want to hear their thoughts on the subjects
Its unnecessary
It shouldn’t help or shape another anyway
Thats counter to the art form
Ill love their work anyway
Or hate it
So what.
I make mine
You make yours
I don’t care what the color is called
My work never misses because there isn’t a target
I know when its done
I saw a post once
It said
“Don’t worry my art doesn’t understand you either”
My work is a threat
Leave it alone
Don’t look at it to understand me
Look at it to understand yourself
Don’t read me to gain insight into my world
I was born to be in the front
Holding the flag
I know because it brings me pleasure
you can keep whats left
The cigarette after sex
The popes never had that one
Bukowski
Soft Spoken
Harsh truths
Everyday awareness
The greatest
Immortal
He never liked anyone
Until the 4th drink
Slippers on fucking his soul
Not afraid to Jump
From LA to San Pedro
Mailman Laureate
A Poet with a Route
No Time to Read
Barely time to Write
Everything’s Disgusting
Down on the streets
The Greatest
Immortal
He never liked anyone
Until the 4th Drink
Ask the Dust
He was always trying to be a writer
He wrote what he knew
He knew everyone
He knew humanity
From the pits
To the Flagrants
Ink you don’t get over
I can get drunk with Buk
She said
Then
He said
7 Come 11
In the old days men would hang dice from the rear view mirror
Thats the spot where Hope and Peace live
Two Dice mid throw slowing time down to a crawl
The winnings stuck in your mind
Not anxious
Not afraid
Hopeful
Cigarettes
bourbon
Perfume
The table is pure
Foam Pyramids glued to the panels
Feels like a dungeon for paychecks
Its us against the house
We are all together in this
My hands are hot tonight
Ive made people money here
I like to come from underneath the table with em
My cousin taught me that move
Its clean and fluid
It raises eyebrows
Thats where I live
In the raised eyebrow category
Women as good as they can look hanging on men
Like a family on TV
You know they are wearing the best they have
I like that
I like everyone acting
Its more pure that way
Otherwise we all pretend to be something else in our regular attire
No… this way everyone’s already exposed
Chatter turns to hoots and hollers
Every eye on these two cubes
Suspended in the air over the field
Dancing in the light
Skating over the pass line
Its the most beautiful symphony
Everyone needs to win
I cant miss another dinner
But I’m glued to the table now
We are one now
She’s my avenue
Give me that 30:1
You can be late if there’s a roll of money in your pocket
and a story…
I like Dice the hardways
I like Boxcars
I like winking at the waitress when I throw
I like the little backscratcher sliding chips my way
I like the dealer side eyeing the pit boss
I like the 3 seconds of relief as they fly
Finally something isn’t up to me
The weight is off my shoulders
Nothing can change the outcome now
Its win or lose for some
For me its just a game
For me its just dice on the mirror
For me I’ve already won
A Wasted Soul
The sun is rising every second of the day somewhere on earth
Bringing a new day
Time is the true force
The weight of its motion is what we call gravity
Too much of it is very dangerous
Live this life well
Enjoy its passage and surrender to it
It asks nothing of you in return
Everything that has ever happened has led you here today
All of it has come to this moment
Then the next
It consumes
Dare to be embarrassed
Bravery leads to greatness
Not only in titles wealth and life’s successes
But in everyday moments
To make memories
To take the step
Prove yourself worthy of this time you take this space you occupy
Without crowds without accolades
Be great
Value this moment
This time in space
Every breath leaves room for remembrance
Do not submit
Release yourself from fear
Of failure
Achievement
Simply Be
Be Human
Revel in the joys of life’s snapshots
Regard momentary madness as the glimpse of reality
Leave no explanation for what you do
Steady down the line
One foot in front of the other
A bite at a time
And all that other bullshit
Jump
Leap
If you’re not the most interesting person in the room
It’s your own fault
Your greatest fear holds you
To be on top of the world
Leave subtlety at the door
Maintain an elegant demeanor
While breaking necks
Transport yourself in time
To now
Be the person you want to be
That is the only necessity
You don’t get to do this again
Everything is on purpose
When you get jammed
When you realize you’re not following your dream
Recognize and reset
Pull it back in
Get back on the path
Your whole life you will have to chase it
Chase the you that you want to be
Otherwise you collapse into the person you hate
Don’t believe that is the real you
It’s not
It’s the you that’s too lazy to be
The you that exists
Wandering aimlessly
Surviving
That’s no life to live
A wasted soul
Burning time
Worthless journey to nowhere
