Steadfast
It crackles with power
Awakened at 4am
Booming echoes in a chamber
Making my dreams feel connected
An outside world reaching into my subconscious mind
Boooooommmmmmm
Again the thunder outside my window
Finds me in my dream state
I’m all at once aware of my presence in both places
I sit up in my bed and turn to let my legs dangle
My cat rushes under my feet for comfort from fear
Fear of the unknown world outside
A hallway light at my back casts me in shadow on the bedroom wall
My head and now my outstretched arms
A perfectly still shade against pure white
I’m in silence waiting for my shoulder blades to become wings
I’m convinced they will sprout from me at any moment
At this moment
I flap my extended arms in the most beautiful strained arches
As if I am preparing for flight.
I am
These thuds sound like thunder
But I know the truth
Something heavenly is above my space
Breaking through time
Booooommmmmmmm
They must know I am here
They want to see the beginning
The change in base
The etching of stone
The rain is beautiful in my mind
The sound like a clapping audience
The memory of my dream fades so quickly
Its timelines with alternate choices
Or visions of potential future outcomes
It’s always me denying myself the sins of this world
Always tempted in my dreams
Always tempted in my life
Worse, I’m magnetic
I pull desire from humans
And in turn jealousy from others
The angered take any opportunity to poke and prod
Unaware of the beast I was - who would have devoured them in a flash with wit and bullied them
Into submission
And at minimum tie their tongue from any further slight
Today I am unaffected by lust and the barking of lesser men
The thunderous clap of the foreign object meeting atmosphere
Reminds me I’m watched
From all sides
Ensuring I don’t stray or tempting me to?
Unknown
I don’t hide from it
Amor Fati
I am a Stoic
I am
I head to the bathroom as a man does in the mornings
Awkwardly stationed
Trying to aim erect
As the lightning shoots through the frosted bay window
I think of this world suffering in bondage
I think of bondage in all forms
Knowing, aware of my desire to lead and control
I hear the voice
Telling me
I am alone
It isn’t enough to give my testament
To record it for the world
To divulge the power of Base 60
To shape stone
It isn’t enough
I must lead the people to freedom
I must
Am I still on Jonah’s path
Drought with anger in the belly
If the whale?
Am I still being tested
Have I not done what I’ve been called - created to do?
I am his servant and have voiced my truth to the world.
I’ve lost so much over it
I fought for so long against his desire
For the unknown outcome I wanted certainty
Unconcerned by ridicule guilt shame or fear
Its surety
Am I right? do I have it all down
Is the message pure
Or of my own accord
Is my prophetic vision to be recognized in his time
Is all of this written in the book of life
Do I need to do something more
Do I need to move politically
Do I need to record my
Message again
Do I need to go live
Send me a sign o lord of lords
Instantly lightning flashes brighter than before
Six seconds away
And I know …
If not me who?
If not now when?
I hear those words over and over when
Imposter syndrome and fear of inflated ego
Attempt to trick me into believing that I am not enough
I am